Not about my sexuality though...

So I'm kinda confused about how to get over my social fear of women.

Back story

I'm 24, male and slightly overweight, but have become extremely shy since my last breakup 3-4 years ago... Do have some self confidence issues but have mainly taken myself out of the whole dating scene since sophomore year in high school and now don't understand how dating works now a days.

Have been looking at dating tip sights and read the dating manuals just to try and get a basic understanding of how everything should work. (I'm not a virgin and understand how to have sex).

My issue comes up in social situations, don't really understand how to approach strangers and strike up conversations with randoms. I mean I know how to but get extremely shy and always choke if i try, so I've stopped trying.

My friends don't understand and have thankfully gave up trying to force me into these types of situations.

Never have had a one night stand and don't believe I could do it from a moral standpoint.

Also I'm not confident if I'm any good at sex, considering I've only been with one person and she was not really into penetration and basically turned me off of sex because it got so monotonous and boring that it was like watching the same TV show over and over again.

I want to find someone to have a serious relationship with and don't want to go through a slew of woman to do so, even though I know that I probably need those experiences to fully understand what I like and want in a significant other.

At this point besides going out and forcing myself into awkward situations I'm not sure on how to get over my shyness and meet anyone new. It just seems easier to be lonely and live through multimedia outlets aka books and movies.

So please leave me some good advice and not be a dick and say man up and go find some sluts or something of that nature.

Thanks
Jon

 

I was you 13 years ago. Age 34. Divorced the girl I hooked up with in High School. Imagine being 34 overweight with 2 full time kids and no current dating experience. I decided I would never date again and that was fine with me. Eventually I overcame my inhibitions insecurities and all and just went out there. I did not take the rejection personally and by being nice and sincere got to know a lot of great women. To compensate I even did a lot of excessive skirt chasing. My friends were more concerned Iwould break hearts than be the broken hearted one. I eventually foun balance, remarried, and now feel more at ease with women. Don't hide. and you dont want to hear this but ... Man up. Chase skirt. If you dont like sluts go find some librarians. They need love too.

 

I have limited experience as I have practiced celibacy for several dacades but as humans, we all want to connect with someone who respects and accepts for who we are.
If you feel nervous about talking to a girl, perhaps try realting to her in a relaxed way. Make a joke or show interest in who she is. Don't pressure yourself to be seductive or forward. Just be the best you that you can be and the right woman with love who you are.

Also you don't have to meet women in bars or whatnot. Try more relaxed settings where there isn't the expectancy or pressure to build yourself up to impress.

 

It seems to me like your a very emotional person and you have a lot of love to give.... To the right girl. To me it seems that you need to take a step back and enjoy yourself and stop trying to find someone. I know that sounds strange but it is very true. If you stop trying then you will be more you and when you go out someone will just appear and you can take it from there. It sounds cliche but it's how love works most of the time. As for not knowing if your any good at sex, that can become better over time, when your learning and exploring nothing can be absolutely fantastic the firt time, it takes time.

So overall my advice would be to just step back and rediscover yourself. Everything else will fall into place over time. Don't try to rush it or force it because it never works out that way.

Just for the record, if I found someone like you and I was single I would be more than willing to give you a try and also wait for you. Good things come to those who wait

 

I feel you man^^

I never really liked the whole bar scene so I generally don't go there. I don't really have any problems talking to women, it's the flirting i don't get. Anyways you seem like a good guy, just try to get out a little and meet some people.
What are your interests? Any hobbies? Try to find clubs or social gatherings in those fields.
Are you self-conscious of your weight? I used to be a bit overweight too so I started training Aikido (a defense oriented martial art) and did some regular exercises in my free time. I may not be the most fit guy out there but i gained some confidence and well generally felt better. Oh and starting to train in some martial art is a great way to meet even more people. Just a tip. And relax... eventually you'll stumble across someone great.

 

First of all thanks for all the comments. Got a little ego boost from some of the comments.

I haven't actually gone out skirt chasing as WhaWhaWha so eloquently put it, and had almost decided to do that, it probably wouldn't have been a fun experience and is completely against my character.

I do need to change a couple aspects of my life.

First off I'm currently not really going out or doing anything besides working and hanging out with one of my guy friends and his girlfriend. I usually just sit at home reading or sitting on my computer.

Heading back to school is probably a good solution to this, will meet new people and better myself educationally.

Not sure where else to get out there.

I am going to have to start working out too, whether it be taking martial arts classes or just taking the dog out for a walk/run. I would feel better about myself and improve on my overall fitness.

Again thanks for the productive comments. And leave more if you can think of any

Jon

 

WOW thats just

like my situation I just couldn't figure out how to discribe it in that maner
thank you jon for posting that

 

Sweetie...stop telling us about how moral you are and admit that you really just want to get laid. This...*reaching out and grabbing your cock through your pants*...doesn't know anything about morality. It's just looking for a good time.

 

Do i want to get laid... Obviously...

Am I willing to to go have a one night stand or sleep with some one i hardly know... No... Its been years since I've had sex with anyone and I really don't mind waiting for someone who understands me personally.

 

How does anyone begin to understand you personally if you don't have sex with them?

People attach such a ton of baggage to what ought to be a perfectly normal, healthy, enjoyable activity....*shaking my head*

 

Some of us men want more with a woman than just sex we want a good old fashoned relationship like myself I just want to find someone to raise a family with.

 

I understand that. What I don't understand is why you feel you have to deny yourself sex while you're looking for that good old-fashioned relationship.

 

Sure fire way to meet someone. This works 99% of the time. I guarantee you it will work for most every single person here.

What do you like to do?
Is there a public place where other people (Men and Women) go to do what you like?

Once you answer those 2 questions. Go to that place. Get involved. Make friends with everyone. Just be yourself and do what you like doing. Keep in mind that your NOT LOOKING for anyone to date. Your there because your interests have brought you there. Your making friends who share your same intrest. One of your "new friends" will just click with you. The female will be in the same boat your in and just enjoying her time doing what she likes doing and now doing it with her "new friend." Guess what. Your relationship just started. Neither of you will realise it off the bat, but the important part is that you now have the basis for a strong relationship to form. The best part about it is that you were never looking to begin with.

Good Luck partner.

 

Kimiko,

I think some of the major problems in today's society are caused by people not placing enough baggage on that healthy, enjoyable activity.

A lot of people view sex and marriage as a joke, but its really something that needs to be taken seriously, I'm not going to go into the whole dead beat dad/abortion bs that would usually follow this type of statement because we have all seen it before and not going to beat a dead horse by sprouting off all that crap. (Pro-Choice BTW) Overall its all about taking responsibility for your actions and many of us refuse to do so.

I believe sex is an activity that normal people do, its enjoyable for the most part and is a healthy activity. I'm not against having sex or premarital sex for that matter. But I want to an emotional connection with my partner and not feral lust that turns into disappointment after the beer goggles come off.

In actuality I probably shouldn't even be putting up my ideas here because why should i be judging something that I've never done before.

For clarification I'm not talking about waiting months on end before sleeping with someone. I could be a complete hypocrite and find someone truly worthwhile and end up sleeping with them on the second date... who knows...

Going to make an assumption that you haven't slept with all your friends and family members, and ask how can you understand them without having sex with them?

I care, I ask questions and listen to their answers, I spend quality time with them while doing things that they love to do.

As i stated earlier in this forum I've only slept with one person and have been single for a long while, I'm inexperienced in my sexual aspect of life, I wouldn't be able to understand someone by having sex with them to actually answer your question, so I have to go by what I do know.

Thanks Silverado for the post.

Sorry if i rambled

Jon

 

sorry didn't read it but be yourself and confident and remember you have a 50/50 chance, if you never ask you will never know, you have to break some eggs if you want the omelet

 

Well, you're certainly entitled to suit yourself, Jon. And it's true that sex is not an absolute prerequisite for a meaningful understanding of another person. But it doesn't take anything away from the ability to reach that understanding, either.

 

Were in agreement there, and sorry about the sleeping with the friends/family members comment.

Not saying I wont have sex, just don't want to be the guy who is sleeping with a different girl every night and can never have a serious relationship because its easier not to deal with a relationship.

Thanks for the conversation though was fun.

 

The sweet spot is somewhere in between.

Peace.

 

Getting laid is meaningless sex.

So you are actually looking for make love?

I respect your decision. Waiting for that special someone (or atleast being worthy of your love and time) is so much better than the bar/pub/club scene.